a glimpse...

well, now that i am officially a mother of 3 for 1 whole week, i thought i'd share with you some highs and lows of this last week.



high- epidural. that thing was dreamy. look for the complete labor story (that mostly involved me sleeping) to come in the next week or so.

low- tearing... yet again. but not as bad as the other two!

low- having to wear diapers and nasty hospital underwear. tucks. pads, and more pads. for what seems like forever.

high- a healthy baby!

high- coming home from the hospital!

low- coming home from the hospital...

high- seeing my daughters sheer joy upon meeting tali, and my sons amazement and gentle touch with her.

low- feeling super overwhelmed thinking about how i'm going to manage 3 kids.

high- having an amazing husband who can literally clean, feed and entertain his 3 kids and his wife without complaining.

high- stool softeners

low- feeling like i was never going to feel better, and just being utterly exhausted.

high- tali is an awesome night sleeper. mastered the side nurse on second nite home!

low- tali acts like a pacifier is an abomination.

low- feeling like i don't have enough to give to my older ones.

high- my milk came in after 1.5 days!

low- my milk is in. ouch!

high- lily just sitting and adoring tali. asking to change her outfit every 15 mins...

high- seeing my husband adore his new baby girl.

high- (my favorite) on our first nite home at about 6 am tali started crying... in bounds lily with her hair all wild and her hand over her mouth giggling and smiling. i've never known anyone who is so delighted and excited to be woken up by a crying baby...

high- my mom taking the kids pretty much all week so i can just rest and be with tali.

high- meals every other day for 2 weeks!


so there you have it, a glimpse into my life this last week. i promise more pictures next time... my mother in law's got like a 112... i only have like 7.

Tali June

Talia June Rodgers
October 27, 2009
10:06 AM
7 lbs, 7 oz
20.5" long

a bit about the name...

Talia is a contraction of two Hebrew words (tal and y-uh), and means "dew of G‑d."

Dew and rain are both considered great divine blessings, both mentioned many times in the Bible. Of the two, however, dew is considered a greater blessing. This is for several reason, one being that dew is constant, while rain is less dependable. Another advantage of dew is that it is always a blessing, whereas rain is not. Rain can fall to the extent that it is damaging, while dew brings only good.

Chassidic texts explain that rain and dew are both metaphors for divine bounty. Rain isn't a constant, at times there are droughts, because the divine blessing symbolized by rain is dependent on human effort and merit—which aren't always constant. Dew, on the other hand, represents G‑d's kindness that isn't contingent on our actions or behavior, the kindness that stems from His unceasing and immutable love for His children.

With that, we present talia. We are overjoyed and so thankful for a happy, healthy baby.

blah blah blah... you're still talking about yourself?

details.

i've never been good with details.

undoubtedly i've inherited this from my mom. its scary, cuz she's even worse than me. if you got a haircut, or lost some weight, or bought some new jeans, don't come lookin to me for some acknowledgement, cuz i ain't gonna notice.

i like to think i'm not phased by people's changes in vanity, but the reality is its likely cuz i'm just a bit on the selfish side. its like when you go to prom and you are sooooo worried about the zit on your chin, yet when you get there it doesn't matter cuz everyone else is sooo focused on themselves--that's kind of like me everyday of my life. some may call it being self-absorbed, others may call it apathy. but whatever the case, i really suck at seeing the small things. it doesn't just start and stop with appearance though. even in my own day to day existence, i never remember to wear earrings or bracelet's, or think to add a scarf or even a a bra to an outfit. you may think,'is this really that big of a deal?' i don't know, but through all this i know one thing is for sure... i could never be an fbi profiler.

on the other hand it seems as if i have bred two small children that may have a future as spies. oz and lil can get straight jason bourne on my ass.

it really trips me out.

i've always known oz is my little brandon. from an early obsession preoccupation with ceiling fans, to his current loves-- cars, elevators and escalators. i've known oz has got engineer written all over him. lils on the other hand uses her freakish skills to notice every item of clothing and jewelry i own-- she calls it 'fashion.' the other night i put on a tank top i apparently hadn't worn in awhile, and when lily saw me she promptly replied, "mom, you haven't worn that since jess's baby shower."

that was over a year ago people.

if i wear a new necklace, or put on perfume, lily is the first one to notice. or if you're feeling especially unlucky, lily will straight denounce your outfit as "not fashion." and the crazy thing is, she's usually right. but it doesn't stop with lils, oz on the other hand continues to blow my mind with his uncanny car associations. he will see a honda odyssey and announce, "looks like lealah's car." or a honda crv, "looks like mimi's car." or a honda civic, "looks like daddo's car." or a volvo suv, "looks like erin's car." you get the picture. color is irrelevant, he sees the car and knows. its super weird. the other day he even saw a chevy truck and said, "looks like shelley's car, but its not." (she drives a chevy suburban). however, i will say this whole car and wheel obsession did finally work in my favor as i potty trained him. cuz apparently peeing on car wheels is waaaay better than peeing in the toilet.


i guess it shouldn't surprise that me that not only do my kids not act like me, but they seem to have missed out on most of my physical traits as well. i often look at pictures such as this one and think, 'who's the freak with the brown hair anyway?'

its weird to barely fit into to your family.









which leads me to my last hope. come any minute now, if tali doesn't come out with brown hair, freckles and inherent love for soccer, i may just have to adopt a fourth. apparently i married a man with freakishly strong genes... blond hair and sporatic bouts of OCD abound.
although i joke about my frustration of having such a girly daughter, and engineerish son, really in my heart, i am so proud. and really, i'm not gonna hold my breath for tali... something tells me that though she may come out with a mess of black hair-- ultimately she'll follow the rest and pierce our eyes with platinum locks and introverted ways. in any event, i know i'll be proud...

so what about y'all? what trips you out about your kids?

a new namesake?

after a late night celebrating lealah's bday, i was so looking forward to sleeping in this morning. somehow we've fallen into this pattern of me sleeping in both weekend days while b hangs with the kids. now before everyone gets all riled up, we do switch, and inevitably b goes surfing, or running or just away. its kind of our deal... as previously mentioned, sleep is not sacred to him.

so this morning was slated to be no different, except my mom had spent the night knowing we'd be home late from the party. when the kids came in our bed at 7 am, i caught wind of the idea that my mom was going to take them to the preschool church and we would basically be kid less till 12 or so. i sent b down to manage their hair, clothes and bowel movements... but found myself unable to relax. who knew i was such a control freak? i wanted to sleep, but had to know... was lily's hair a rats nest, did oz reek of urine from the night before, did anyone poop yet? i finally gave in to my tossing and turning and came downstairs all to find hair in tact, slight wafts of pee, and to my chagrin -- no poop. i'd say b was 90% successful.

then they were gone.

all of them.

mom with kids, and b off surfing.

its 8:30 am on sunday morning and i'm alone. its ironic how we plead and beg for this kinda time, but then when we get it, suddenly we don't want it. perhaps i'm just feeling a little over emotional cuz baby #3 is imminent--as in i've pooped 4 times in the last 12 hours-- 7 of them spent sleeping. it seems crazy that i would be so preoccupied with the kids leaving this morning without my care, when really with this new baby i won't have the time to obsess on these little things.



which leads me to my next point... why its never good to leave a 39wks pregnant mother of 2 alone for to long. too much time to think is typically not recommended for someone in my condition. as evidenced in some of my recent posts, my little mind gets a runnin, and there ain't no one around to distract me. now that i'm mostly over my swine flu fears, i've moved on to more practical fears-- like how the hell am i gonna survive with 3 kids under 4.5? and then i remember the two sweetest words... my mom.

but the real question of the morning is for all of you. we knew even before we knew we were having a girl that we would name her lily pearl. it was a done deal. we were both in total agreement and absolutely loved the name. it never occurred to me she would be anyone else. fast forward 4 years and i still lay claim--- she is all lily. yet its taken me awhile to get to this point. as i've mentioned before, when lily came out, she was not what i expected. i was imagining a peaceful little blond hair, blue eyed baby girl. what i got was a grip of black hair, an unusually low hairline, and a raging screamer. it wasn't but hours after she was born when i began to feel like her name should be lucy. for probably a good year and half she felt like a lucy to me. but as time went on, she grew to be lily, and only lily.

soooo... its possible that over drinks i was not drinking last night, we decided to change tali's name. suddenly it became so clear she should be someone else. even b was on board, which is kind of crazy, cuz we had talked about this name before without much success. yet today as i researched her on the ol world wide web, i started thinking this really might be our daughters perfect namesake... heck she even looks like she could be related to us b, lily and oz.

so without further ado... i give you tali's competition. any guesses, thoughts?

bitterness runneth over

my husband rarely sits still. he is the opposite of idle. if he's not working on our neva-ending house, surfing, running, checking the surf, mountain biking, or mowing the lawn-- you still won't find him loafing on the couch. i've seen him nap maybe eight times in 10 years. to put it lightly, the dude is always doing something.

for someone like me who's hobbies consist of sitting on the couch, reading, bronzing and 49er football, i sure can seem like a real loser. yet i digress... this post isn't about me, i think.

back to b. so, even though he has a truckload of hobbies to engage in, he's always looking for the next big thing. a couple weekends ago he and 3 of his buddies loaded up their shiz and headed to the american river to try their hand at river rafting. now, i'm not one to brag, but on our honeymoon in NZ, b and i not only went bungee jumping and black water rafting, but we also river rafted the highest (14 ft) commercially rafted waterfall. i know, i'm kind of a bad ass... so how fun could a water rafting trip with his buddies really be?

when b and his buddies decided they'd do this, they took all the necessary steps- as in got permission from their wives.


now did i mention i'm 9 months pregnant, and i've got 2 kids? did you know that picking up hot wheels and doll clothes-- let alone putting on my shoes is a real struggle? *did you know that this "little weekend away" translates into 3 bedtimes alone, 8 meals alone, and worst of all 3-4 hours of getting our daughter to poop.* now i'm not trying to act like a martyr here, but really i just want you to understand where i'm coming from.


needless to say, surviving each week in my 'condition' is no easy feat. so to have b leave for the whole weekend (as in get home at 11pm sunday night) all to just start it all again solo monday morning was more than a sacrifice. not to mention hours of having to feel a bit crazy all weekend wondering if he was even still alive...

so to have him come home all fired up about river rafting was a bit much. i shouldn't have been surprised at his new found enthusiasm. afterall- nothing like a new hobbie right?


but...looking up videos on youtube of all the different "big" rapids he went down (cuz to be honest the footage they captured looked like the hot tub at kennedy with the jets on), and telling me how much beer they got to drink was a little more than i could muster up enthusiasm for.

did i mention i haven't had a drink in 9 months?

...staying up to the wee hours of night researching river rafting equipment, and places to go in the 'off-season'....

really?

i know i sound like a a whining, bitter wife dripping faucet. and most of you are thinking, 'get over it you selfish biaatch'. and maybe you're right. i should be a little happy for him. he had fun-- he's got a stressful life - having to sit at a desk all day making important decisions about temperature...


and really, if i'm completely honest, after seeing their little video about the weekend, i may or may not have cracked a wee smile and felt just a twinge of happiness for him... which is good. i'm glad they had their adventure, their pictures, their beer and their fun. cuz really...


he's. never. leaving. again.

*i was not completely alone... my mom - like always- came through for a significant amount of the trip... but i was alone for the worst part... the poop.*

to DO IT or not... that is the question

now that i'm nearing the end of this epic pregnancy, i thought i'd take a moment to highlight some of the pros and cons of being knocked up.

in case you were on the fence about whether or not to have another kid... maybe i can shed some light on the situation for you.

since i'm a naturally a cynical optimist, i'll start with pros.



PROS


- hall pass to eat whatever you want- guilt free (unless you go to my midwives)

-not having to work-out for 10 months if you don't want to

- people in general are very nice to pregnant women- they open doors, and just smile at you. or yell "you're awesome!" while getting in the pool at the gym.

-there's nothing quite like feeling your baby move- like a unicorn thrashing ladybug kisses

-ahem- a definitely increased libido- ahem

-and while we're on the topic--- big boobs (not yet full of milk)

-witnessing your daughters sheer joy in knowing that god is giving her a sister

-little tiny pink onesies



CONS

-feeling hungover for a good 6 weeks to start

-the in-between time when people aren't sure if you're pregnant and just think you are getting fat

-all the tests and procedures-- worrying if your baby is healthy

-all those comments... you know the ones.

-get this thing out of me. NOW. feeling sooooo done.

-umm, labor and delivery.

-feeling crazy in your head

-pee. ALL THE TIME

-i could really use a drink


hmm, looks like cons outweigh the pros... but did i mention, that in about a months time i, lord willingly, will have in my arms a living miracle? yeah, i'm pretty sure that blows doors on any con....

can you please get in touch with your un-crazy side?

the other day my best friend called me to ask me to pray for her son. he fell off a ladder in their house and hit his head pretty bad. they were rushing to the doctor because he started throwing up.




as a parent, there is nothing in this world more terrifying than seeing your child in pain.




in this pregnant brain of mine, i've definitely been getting in touch with my severly crazy side. i'm a pretty laid back person, and consequently a pretty laid back parent. the majority of my days are pre-occcupied with thoughts of how i can get my kids to eat more protein, behave civily, and for goodness sake -- go poop without crying.


however as of late- my former, somewhat peacebale thoughts have been trampled by some more severe topics...


such as...

'why do pedaphiles seem to target little blond haired girls?'

'we are all going to die of the swine flu this winter'

'in the night, someone will probably break into our house and kidnap our kids... and our good for nothing dog will just let it happen'

'brandon will probably get hit by a car on one of his long night runs out in the park'

'my whole family might die in a car accident like the chick from the biggest loser'



this is just the tip of the iceberg.



not that you need any ammo to believe i'm crazy, hey you read my blog right?




i know god is bigger than all of this. i know that when its our time... its our time and really there isn't any point laboring in it. yet i still go back to this place.


is it because i'm under the impression that because i thought of it myself beforehand i'll be that much more prepared if it does happen? not really. i think all of us would agree that there is no way to prepare for a tragedy. that we can choose to live every day in fear of what could happen, or we can take each day and treasure and enjoy what we have... like an amazing husband, and the two cutest kids in the world.




soooo today, i with my best friend will choose life... thank you jesus that he totally okay!